How to Deal With Social Anxiety, Fears and Phobias
Social anxiety, fears, and phobias are emotional responses that can deeply impact the way we interact with the world. Whether it's the fear of public speaking, a phobia of heights, or anxiety around social situations, these struggles can create barriers between us and the life we want to live.
When left unaddressed, social anxiety and phobias can significantly affect a person’s quality of life. They can limit career opportunities, strain relationships, and prevent individuals from engaging in everyday activities.
Over time, these struggles can contribute to feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, and even depression. That’s why it’s crucial to find ways to manage and work through these challenges.
Learning to cope not only improves day-to-day functioning but also fosters resilience, confidence, and a greater sense of freedom. It's important to remember that social anxiety, fears, and phobias are common — many people will encounter them at some point in their lives. Seeking support and developing healthy coping strategies is a sign of strength and can lead to meaningful growth and healing.
What is Social Anxiety Disorder (also known as Social Phobia)?
Social Anxiety Disorder, also known as Social Phobia, is a common and often misunderstood mental health condition where a person experiences intense fear or anxiety in social or performance situations. It goes beyond occasional nervousness — it's a persistent, overwhelming fear of being judged, embarrassed, or humiliated by others.
People with Social Anxiety Disorder often worry for days, weeks, or even months before a social event. Common fears include speaking in public, meeting new people, eating or drinking in front of others, or being the center of attention. Even everyday activities like making eye contact, entering a room, or using a public restroom can trigger significant anxiety.
This fear can lead to physical symptoms such as sweating, shaking, blushing, a rapid heartbeat, nausea, or feeling like their mind has gone blank. Emotionally, it often brings feelings of shame, inadequacy, or intense self-consciousness.
Because the fear feels so overwhelming, many people begin to avoid social situations altogether, which can lead to isolation, loneliness, and difficulty achieving personal or professional goals.
Social Anxiety Disorder typically develops during adolescence but can begin earlier or later in life. It may be influenced by a combination of factors, including genetics, brain chemistry, early social experiences, and personality traits such as being naturally more shy or inhibited.
Importantly, Social Anxiety Disorder is highly treatable. With support — whether through therapy, medication, self-help strategies, or a combination — people can learn to manage their symptoms, build their confidence, and engage more fully with the world around them. Recognizing the disorder is the first step toward healing.
What Are Social Fears and How Are They Different from Social Phobia?
Social fears are common anxieties or discomforts people experience in social situations. These fears can range from mild nervousness to moderate unease, often triggered by situations such as public speaking, meeting new people, or being in large crowds.
Social fears are a normal part of life and don’t necessarily interfere with daily functioning. For example, feeling nervous before a big presentation or worrying about making a good impression on a first date are typical social fears. Most people experience social fears at some point, but they usually pass once the situation is over or after gaining more experience and confidence.
Social fears can be managed with simple coping strategies, such as preparation, deep breathing, or positive self-talk.
While social fears are common, Social Phobia (or Social Anxiety Disorder) is a more severe and persistent condition. The key differences include:
Intensity of Fear: Social fears are mild to moderate, while Social Anxiety Disorder causes intense, overwhelming fear that can feel uncontrollable.
Duration of Anxiety: Social fears are temporary and typically subside once the situation is over, whereas Social Anxiety Disorder causes prolonged anxiety, often beginning long before the event and lingering afterward.
Impact on Daily Life: People with social fears may feel nervous but still participate in social situations. However, Social Anxiety Disorder can cause avoidance of important activities like work meetings, social events, or even everyday interactions, leading to isolation.
Physical and Emotional Symptoms: While both can involve nervousness, Social Anxiety Disorder often includes stronger physical reactions (e.g., sweating, shaking, nausea, rapid heartbeat) and excessive self-criticism or fear of embarrassment.
Avoidance Behaviour: People with social fears may feel uncomfortable but push through. Those with Social Anxiety Disorder might go out of their way to avoid situations that trigger their anxiety, even if it negatively affects their personal or professional life.
What About Shyness? How is Shyness Different from Social Anxiety?
Shyness is a personality trait characterized by feelings of discomfort, self-consciousness, or awkwardness in social situations. People who are shy may feel hesitant to speak up, meet new people, or put themselves in unfamiliar social settings. However, shyness is generally milder and more manageable than Social Anxiety Disorder, and it usually does not cause significant disruption to a person's everyday life.
Shy individuals may take longer to warm up in social situations, but with time, comfort, and experience, they often adapt and participate fully. Their discomfort tends to fade as they become more familiar with their surroundings or the people involved.
Although shyness and Social Anxiety Disorder can look similar on the surface, they are different in important ways:
Severity: Shyness is typically mild and situational. Social Anxiety Disorder involves intense fear that can feel paralyzing and can occur across many or all social situations.
Impact on Daily Functioning: Shyness might cause momentary hesitation, but it usually doesn't prevent someone from attending school, working, making friends, or pursuing goals. In contrast, Social Anxiety Disorder often significantly interferes with daily life and activities.
Duration and Recovery: Shy individuals often feel more comfortable as a situation progresses. People with Social Anxiety Disorder, however, may experience persistent anxiety before, during, and after social events, regardless of familiarity.
Emotional Experience: Shyness might involve mild embarrassment or nervousness, whereas Social Anxiety Disorder often brings overwhelming fear, shame, and intense worry about being judged or humiliated.
In short, while all socially anxious people may seem shy, not all shy people have Social Anxiety Disorder.
While shyness is not a disorder, some people find that their shyness feels limiting or prevents them from reaching their personal or professional goals. In these cases, therapy for shyness can be helpful.
Therapy for shyness often focuses on:
Building social skills and confidence
Practicing communication techniques
Addressing underlying self-esteem issues
Learning relaxation and coping strategies for managing anxiety
Challenging negative self-beliefs through cognitive-behavioural techniques
For some, therapy can help transform shyness into a quiet confidence which allows them to feel more at ease in social settings without needing to change their fundamental personality. Therapy empowers individuals to step out of their comfort zones at their own pace, fostering growth without forcing unnatural extroversion.
What Are Signs and Symptoms of Social Anxiety?
Social Anxiety Disorder can show up in many ways — emotionally, physically, mentally, and behaviourally. Recognizing the signs and symptoms is an important first step toward understanding and addressing the condition.
Physical Symptoms:
Social anxiety often triggers noticeable physical reactions, such as:
Rapid heartbeat or heart palpitations
Sweating or clammy hands
Trembling or shaking
Shortness of breath or feeling lightheaded
Blushing or feeling hot
Nausea or upset stomach
Dry mouth
Muscle tension
Dizziness
These symptoms are part of the body's natural "fight-or-flight" response, but they can feel overwhelming and embarrassing in social settings.
Cognitive Symptoms:
People with social anxiety often experience troubling thought patterns, such as:
Excessive fear of being judged, criticized, or humiliated
Persistent worry about upcoming social situations, often days or weeks in advance
Beliefs that they will say or do something wrong
Negative self-talk (“I’ll look stupid,” “Everyone will laugh at me”)
Ruminating over perceived mistakes long after the event has ended
Overanalyzing social interactions and assuming the worst
Emotional Symptoms:
Emotionally, social anxiety can create deep distress, including:
Intense fear or dread before or during social interactions
Feelings of embarrassment, shame, or extreme self-consciousness
Low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy
Hopelessness about managing social situations
Behavioural Symptoms:
Social anxiety often leads to patterns of behaviour aimed at avoiding fear or discomfort, such as:
Avoiding social gatherings, parties, work meetings, or group activities
Struggling to initiate conversations or make eye contact
Using safety behaviours (e.g., rehearsing conversations, speaking very quietly, avoiding standing out)
Dropping out of school, quitting jobs, or turning down promotions due to fear of social exposure
Relying heavily on alcohol, substances, or other means to “get through” social events
Am I Experiencing Social Anxiety?
If you’ve ever wondered whether your struggles with social situations go beyond typical nervousness, it can be helpful to pause and reflect. Everyone feels anxious sometimes, but Social Anxiety Disorder tends to show consistent patterns that impact everyday life.
Ask yourself the following questions:
Do I frequently feel intense fear or worry about social situations, even days or weeks in advance?
Do I avoid social events, public speaking, or group activities because I’m afraid of being judged or embarrassed?
Do I experience physical symptoms like sweating, shaking, rapid heartbeat, or nausea when I’m around people or expected to perform?
Do I often replay social interactions in my mind, criticizing myself and worrying I said or did something wrong?
Do I fear that others will notice my anxiety and think negatively of me?
Do I avoid making eye contact, speaking up in meetings or classes, or introducing myself to others out of fear?
Does fear of judgment or rejection hold me back from opportunities (like dating, career advancement, or friendships)?
Do I feel trapped in my anxiety, wishing I could connect more easily with others but feeling unable to?
If you answered "yes" to several of these questions, you might be experiencing signs of social anxiety.
It’s important to remember that social anxiety is common and treatable. Recognizing these patterns is a courageous first step toward finding support, developing coping strategies, and reclaiming your confidence.
How Can You Manage Anxiety in Social Situations
Managing anxiety in social situations takes practice, patience, and the right tools. If you experience social fears or feel intense anxiety when meeting new people, know that you’re not alone — and there are practical ways to make these moments more manageable.
Here are some tips to help:
1. Prepare Ahead of Time
If you know you'll be entering a social situation that triggers anxiety, prepare in advance. Think about topics you might want to discuss, questions you can ask others, or simple ways to introduce yourself. Having a small plan can help you feel more grounded when meeting new people.
2. Practice Deep Breathing and Grounding Techniques
Anxiety often triggers a physical response in your body. Slow, deep breathing can help calm your nervous system. Try breathing in for four counts, holding for four counts, and exhaling for four counts. Grounding exercises, like focusing on the feeling of your feet on the floor, can also help bring you back to the present moment.
3. Challenge Negative Thoughts
Social fears often grow from negative beliefs about yourself ("I’m going to say something stupid" or "Everyone will judge me"). Start noticing these thoughts and gently challenge them. Ask yourself:
What evidence do I have that this thought is true?
What’s a more balanced or kinder way to see this situation?
You might be surprised at how much your mind exaggerates the risks.
4. Focus Outward, Not Inward
When you're anxious, it's easy to get trapped in self-conscious thoughts. Instead, focus outward: listen closely to what others are saying, look around the room, or engage with your environment. Being present helps reduce the feeling that all eyes are on you.
5. Start Small and Build Confidence
You don’t have to dive into your biggest fear right away. Start with small social interactions — like saying hello to a cashier or making brief small talk — and gradually build up to more challenging situations. Every small success helps reduce anxiety when meeting new people.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
It’s normal to feel nervous. Instead of beating yourself up, try talking to yourself like you would talk to a friend: with kindness, patience, and encouragement. Remind yourself that it's okay to be imperfect — real connection comes from authenticity, not perfection.
7. Seek Support if Needed
If your social fears are overwhelming or keeping you from living the life you want, seeking help from a therapist can make a big difference. Anxiety therapy can offer personalized strategies, support, and a safe place to practice new skills.
What Are Some Grounding Techniques For Anxiety?
Why Grounding is Important
When anxiety strikes, especially during social fears or high-stress moments, your mind can race and your body can feel overwhelmed. Grounding techniques help by bringing your attention back to the present moment, calming your nervous system, and reducing the intensity of anxious thoughts and physical symptoms.
Instead of getting swept up in fears about the future or harsh self-criticism, grounding connects you to your body, your surroundings, and your sense of control. This is especially useful when experiencing anxiety when meeting new people or navigating stressful social situations.
How Grounding Can Help
Slows down racing thoughts
Lowers heart rate and breathing rate
Reduces physical symptoms like shaking, sweating, or dizziness
Helps you feel more centered, steady, and in control
Breaks the cycle of worry and brings your focus back to the here and now
Grounding doesn’t “cure” anxiety, but it gives you a powerful tool to manage it in the moment.
Simple Grounding Techniques for Anxiety
1. 5-4-3-2-1 Technique (Sensory Awareness)
Name:
5 things you can see
4 things you can feel
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
This exercise anchors you in your senses and interrupts anxious spirals.
2. Deep Belly Breathing
Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Breathe in slowly through your nose, letting your belly rise (not your chest). Exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat several times, focusing on the movement of your hand.
3. Grounding Through Touch
Hold onto something textured, like a piece of fabric, a stress ball, or even the edge of a chair. Feel its surface. Describe it to yourself mentally: "This is soft. It’s cool. It’s smooth."
4. Cold Water Splash or Ice Holding
Splash your face with cold water or hold a piece of ice. The cold sensation can jolt your nervous system into the present and provide a natural calming effect.
5. Anchoring with an Object
Carry a small grounding object with you, like a smooth stone, a bracelet, or a keychain. Whenever you start feeling overwhelmed, hold it and remind yourself, “I am safe. I am here.”
How Can a Therapist Help with Social Phobia Disorder?
If you are struggling with social fears or anxiety when meeting new people, working with a therapist can be an incredibly powerful step toward healing and growth. Therapy provides a safe, supportive space to explore the roots of your anxiety, learn practical coping strategies, and build confidence over time.
How Counselling Can Help Manage Social Phobia
A therapist helps individuals with Social Anxiety Disorder by:
Providing Education: Helping you understand what social anxiety is, how it develops, and why it persists.
Building Coping Strategies: Teaching grounding techniques, relaxation exercises, and ways to manage physical symptoms of anxiety.
Challenging Negative Thought Patterns: Using approaches like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to reframe self-critical or fearful thoughts.
Gradual Exposure: Supporting you as you slowly and safely face feared situations, helping reduce avoidance behaviours over time.
Improving Communication Skills: Practicing conversation techniques, assertiveness, and social skills in a non-judgmental environment.
Processing Deeper Fears: Sometimes, social anxiety is tied to earlier experiences like bullying, rejection, or trauma. Therapy can help you work through those layers with compassion.
Therapy is not about "fixing" you — it's about equipping you to manage your anxiety in a way that allows you to participate more fully in life.
Therapists Work With Many Populations
Social phobia can affect anyone, and therapists are trained to support individuals across the lifespan, including:
Children: Kids might show social anxiety by clinging to parents, refusing to speak in class, or avoiding activities. Play therapy, social skills training, and gentle exposure can help.
Teens and Young Adults: Adolescence is a common time for social fears to surface, especially around peer acceptance. Therapists help teens build self-esteem, navigate school pressures, and develop resilience.
Women: Social anxiety in women can sometimes be influenced by societal pressures around appearance, behaviour, and caregiving roles. Counselling can address these unique dynamics with sensitivity.
Men: Although social fears can look different in men, they are just as real. Therapy can provide space to explore anxiety without judgment and break down stigmas around vulnerability.
Seniors: Older adults may experience social anxiety due to life changes like retirement, isolation, or loss of social circles. Therapists support seniors in rebuilding connection and confidence at any age.
No matter your stage of life, counselling offers hope. With the right support, it’s absolutely possible to reduce social anxiety and reclaim your sense of belonging and ease in the world.
Can CBT Help With Anxiety?
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective and research-supported treatments for anxiety, including Social Anxiety Disorder.
CBT helps by targeting the two core elements that keep social anxiety going:
Unhelpful thought patterns (like fear of judgment or self-criticism)
Avoidance behaviours (like staying away from social events or avoiding eye contact)
By working on both thoughts and behaviours, CBT empowers individuals to break free from the cycle of social fear and avoidance.
How CBT Helps Treat Social Anxiety
1. Identifying and Challenging Anxious Thoughts
People with social anxiety often experience automatic negative thoughts — for example, "Everyone will think I’m stupid" or "I’ll embarrass myself."
CBT teaches you to spot these thoughts, question their truth, and replace them with more realistic, balanced thinking. Over time, this reduces the emotional intensity of social fears.
2. Gradual Exposure to Feared Situations
Rather than avoiding social settings (which reinforces anxiety), CBT helps individuals slowly and safely face their fears through a process called exposure.
This might start with small steps, like making brief eye contact with a stranger, and gradually work up to giving a presentation or attending a party. Exposure helps retrain your brain to see social situations as less threatening.
3. Building Coping Skills
CBT equips you with practical tools — such as relaxation techniques, problem-solving skills, and positive self-talk — that you can use in real-life situations where anxiety arises.
4. Reshaping Core Beliefs
Some deeper beliefs, like "I’m not good enough" or "People will reject me," can fuel social anxiety. CBT explores and reshapes these underlying beliefs, helping you build a stronger, more compassionate view of yourself.
Why CBT is Especially Helpful for Social Anxiety
Structured and goal-oriented approach
Focuses on skills you can apply outside therapy
Tailored to your specific social fears and avoidance patterns
Supported by decades of scientific research as an effective treatment for Social Anxiety Disorder
If you struggle with anxiety when meeting new people or find yourself caught in patterns of avoidance due to social fears, CBT offers a practical and hopeful path forward.
What Happens When Social Anxiety Goes Untreated?
When social fears and anxiety when meeting new people are left unaddressed, they can slowly seep into every part of a person's life. Although some people learn to “manage” their anxiety by avoiding uncomfortable situations, untreated Social Anxiety Disorder often leads to deeper challenges over time.
The Effects of Untreated Social Anxiety
1. Increased Avoidance Behaviour
Avoidance is a natural short-term response to anxiety — it provides immediate relief. However, the more you avoid social situations, the more powerful your fears become. Over time, even everyday activities like making a phone call, attending a meeting, or going to a family gathering can feel overwhelming or impossible. This can shrink your world dramatically and reinforce a belief that social situations are unsafe.
2. Relationship Strain
Friendships, romantic relationships, and family ties can suffer when social anxiety goes untreated. You may struggle to initiate conversations, express your needs, or maintain closeness with others. Loved ones might misinterpret your distance as disinterest, which can lead to isolation, loneliness, and misunderstandings.
3. Career and Academic Impact
Social anxiety can interfere with speaking up in meetings, networking, job interviews, participating in class discussions, or seeking promotions. Over time, this can limit your professional or educational growth, contributing to feelings of frustration, low self-esteem, and unfulfilled potential.
4. Emotional Toll
Living with untreated social anxiety often leads to:
Chronic stress and worry
Low self-confidence and self-criticism
Depression or feelings of hopelessness
Heightened sensitivity to rejection or perceived judgment
Constantly feeling on edge around others can exhaust your emotional reserves and make life feel overwhelming.
Book Anxiety Counselling in Fort Langley
If social anxiety, phobias, or fears are interfering with your ability to live confidently and connect with others, counselling can help. We offer a supportive, non-judgmental space in Fort Langley or online where you can explore your experiences, understand the root of your anxiety, and develop practical tools for change.
Whether you struggle with anxiety when meeting new people, have specific social fears, or feel held back by a social phobia disorder, working with a trained therapist can help you regain a sense of control and ease. Reach out today to book an appointment and take the first step toward more freedom and connection in your life.